How can I help my partner who is struggling with addiction?
Relationships & Communication
Supporting a partner with addiction is one of the most challenging and emotionally complex situations you can face.
Supporting a partner with addictive behaviors is one of the most challenging and emotionally complex situations you can face. Your love and concern are important, but it's crucial to understand that you cannot control or cure your partner's addictive behaviors—only they can make the decision to seek help and recover.
Start by educating yourself about addictive behaviors as a disease. Understanding that substance addiction involves changes in brain chemistry and isn't simply a matter of willpower or moral failing can help you approach the situation with more compassion and realistic expectations.
Set clear, healthy Personal boundaries around what behaviors you will and won't accept. This might include not giving money that could be used for substances, not covering up consequences of their addiction, or not allowing substance use in your home. Personal boundaries protect both you and your relationship.
Encourage treatment without ultimatums or threats. You can express your concerns, provide information about treatment options, and offer to help them find resources, but avoid trying to force them into treatment. People are most successful in recovery when they choose it themselves.
Take care of your own physical and emotional wellbeing. Supporting someone with addiction is exhausting and stressful. Make sure you're eating well, getting enough sleep, exercising, and maintaining your own social connections and interests.
Consider attending Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings, which are support groups specifically for family members and friends of people with addiction. These groups can provide valuable support, education, and coping strategies from others who understand what you're going through.
Avoid enabling behaviors, which are actions that make it easier for your partner to continue using substances without facing consequences. This includes making excuses for them, giving them money, or cleaning up messes created by their addiction.
Be prepared for the possibility that your partner may not choose recovery, and consider what that means for your own life and wellbeing. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is to step back and focus on your own health and happiness.
Remember that recovery is a long process, and if your partner does choose to get help, there will likely be ups and downs along the way.