How do I deal with feeling like everyone else knows something I don't?
Identity & Self-Worth
Feeling like others have secret knowledge often stems from social anxiety and comparison; everyone is figuring things out as they go.
Feeling like everyone else knows some secret about life, Interpersonal relationship, or success that you're missing is a common experience that often stems from social Anxiety disorder and the tendency to compare your internal uncertainty to others' external identity development/building-confidence" class="internal-link">building confidence. This feeling can be particularly intense during transitions or when you're struggling with decisions that others seem to make easily. You might look at people who appear confident in social situations, successful in their careers, or happy in their Interpersonal relationship and assume they have access to information or skills that you lack. The truth is that most people are figuring things out as they go along, making educated guesses, and learning from their mistakes just like you are. What looks like secret knowledge from the outside is often just experience, trial and error, or different personality traits that make certain things easier for some people than others. Social media intensifies this feeling by showing you everyone's polished results without revealing the confusion, mistakes, and learning process that led to those outcomes. You see the final product - the successful career, happy relationship, or confident presentation - without seeing the years of uncertainty, failure, and gradual skill-building that preceded it. Sometimes this feeling comes from imposter syndrome or low self-finding identity/building-confidence" class="internal-link">confidence building that makes you assume others are more competent or knowledgeable than you are. You might dismiss your own knowledge and experience while overestimating others' expertise. The feeling can also stem from being in environments where you're genuinely new or inexperienced, making others' familiarity with systems, cultures, or expectations feel like secret knowledge. This is normal when starting new jobs, moving to new places, or entering new social groups where others have more experience with the unwritten rules and expectations. It's important to remember that knowledge and skills are developed over time through experience, not through access to secret information. Most of what appears to be innate knowledge is actually learned behavior that you can develop too. Instead of assuming others know something you don't, focus on learning and growing at your own pace. Ask questions when you're confused, seek mentorship from people you admire, and remember that everyone was once where you are now.