How do I stop being a people-pleaser and start putting my own needs first?
Identity & Self-Worth
Break the people-pleasing habit by starting with small 'no's', identifying your needs, and tolerating the discomfort of disappointing others.
people pleaser is a deeply ingrained habit that often stems from a fear of rejection or a belief that your own needs are not as important as others'. Breaking free from this pattern requires a conscious and courageous effort to shift your focus from external validation to internal finding identity/building-self-worth" class="internal-link">self-respect. The journey to putting your own needs first is a process of unlearning old patterns and cultivating a new relationship with yourself, one that is based on self-respect and self-compassion. The first step is to start small. Practice saying 'no' to small requests that you don't want to fulfill. This could be as simple as declining an invitation to a social event you're not interested in or saying no to a colleague who asks for a favor you don't have time for. These small acts of boundary-setting build your 'no' muscle and make it easier to say no to bigger requests down the line. Next, get in touch with your own needs. People-pleasers are often so focused on others that they lose touch with what they themselves want and need. Take time to check in with yourself throughout the day. Ask yourself, 'What do I need right now?' It could be a glass of water, a few minutes of quiet, or a hug. By tuning into your own needs, you begin to signal to yourself that they are valid and important. Finally, be prepared to tolerate the discomfort of disappointing others. When you start setting Personal boundaries and prioritizing your own needs, some people may not like it. They may be used to you always saying yes, and they may react with anger, guilt-tripping, or disappointment. This can be incredibly uncomfortable, but it's a necessary part of the process. Remind yourself that you are not responsible for other people's emotions. Your only responsibility is to live in a way that is authentic and true to yourself. With practice, you will find that the temporary discomfort of disappointing others is a small price to pay for the freedom and self-respect that comes from living a life that is truly your own.