Why do I feel like I have to earn love and affection?
Identity & Self-Worth
Feeling like you must earn love often stems from conditional love in childhood; you deserve love simply for being who you are.
The belief that you have to earn love usually develops when love felt conditional in childhood - perhaps you only received attention when you achieved something, behaved perfectly, or took care of others' needs. This can create a lifelong pattern of trying to prove your worth through performance, putting others first, or self-sacrifice. The truth is that you deserve love simply for being who you are, not for what you do or provide. Healthy love is given freely, not earned through performance.