How do I handle being around my old using friends?

Question

Deeper Global · Accepted Answer

Navigating relationships with friends who are still using substances is one of the most challenging aspects of recovery. These relationships often need to change significantly, and sometimes they need to end entirely, which can feel like a significant loss.

First, honestly assess whether these friendships were based primarily on substance use. If your main connection was drinking or using drugs together, the relationship may not have much foundation once you remove substances. This doesn't mean these people are bad, but it might mean the friendship isn't compatible with your recovery.

For friendships that have substance beyond using together, consider having an honest conversation about your recovery. Explain that you're not drinking or using drugs anymore and ask for their support. Some friends will be understanding and willing to adjust how you spend time together.

Set clear boundaries about what you're comfortable with. You might be okay being around friends who drink occasionally but not comfortable being around heavy drinking or drug use. You might be willing to meet for coffee but not go to bars. Communicate these boundaries clearly and stick to them.

Be prepared for some friends to react negatively to your recovery. Some people feel judged by others' sobriety or worry that you'll try to convince them to quit. Others might not understand why you can't just "have one drink." These reactions say more about their relationship with substances than about you.

Consider gradually building new friendships with people who support your recovery. This might happen through support groups, recovery activities, work, hobbies, or volunteer work. Having sober friends doesn't mean you can't maintain some relationships with people who drink, but it provides balance and support.

Remember that protecting your recovery is more important than maintaining any particular friendship. If being around certain people consistently triggers cravings or makes you want to use, it's okay to step back from those relationships.