How do I stop being so critical of myself and others?

Question

Deeper Global · Accepted Answer

Excessive self-criticism and criticism of others often comes from the same source - an internalized voice that says nothing is ever good enough. This critical voice usually developed as a protective mechanism, trying to help you avoid mistakes, rejection, or failure by constantly pointing out flaws and areas for improvement. However, this constant criticism becomes destructive when it prevents you from enjoying your accomplishments, damages your relationships, and keeps you stuck in patterns of shame and perfectionism. Start by becoming aware of your inner critic and learning to distinguish between its voice and your authentic self. When you notice critical thoughts, ask yourself: 'Is this thought helpful? Is it true? Would I say this to a friend?' Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer someone you care about. When you make mistakes, try responding with curiosity rather than criticism: 'That didn't work out as planned, what can I learn from this?' Extend this same compassion to others - when you find yourself being critical of someone else, pause and consider what might be driving their behavior rather than just judging it. Remember that everyone is doing their best with the resources and knowledge they have at any given moment. If self-criticism is severely impacting your mental health or relationships, consider therapy to address the underlying beliefs and experiences that created this pattern.